All About Eyeballs

 We've got some good news on the household's eyeball front! We headed up to Atlanta last month and had a follow up with Gemma's eye doctor. We were pleased to hear that her eye has had no change. That might sound weird at first, but it's a good thing because it means it's not getting worse! Her eyelid won't get better on it's own, so staying the same is what we want to hear! As long as we can keep that astigmatism from getting worse, we can move forward with our plan of surgery to correct the eyelid at 3. She's even doing well enough that her doctor moved us from appointments every 3 months, so 6 months! Yeah!

Onto other eyeballs... Sabe went to Fort Stuart for an evaluation to see if he was a good candidate for lasik eye surgery. He's got some weird thing in his one eye (that of course I can't remember the name of) that is causing some complications, but he got the green light. He's got a team of doctors looking over his file to figure out what the best way to do it is and then we'll have surgery date. Sabe is excited to not need glasses anymore!

Gemma is growing like a weed! She's already crawling and I to my astonishment last night, communicating as well! She's mimicking the sounds I make! I've never had a baby do that before so it was really exciting and makes me hopeful that we won't have speech issues with her. Her hair is starting to come in and is looking like it might stay brown.

Jamesen will be having his IEP meeting with the school system in just  short little bit. He doesn't qualify for much except the social stuff which is exciting. He wants to go to school really bad, so hopefully he won't scream his head off when I leave him like he always does with everything else!

Marcus is doing great and understanding a lot more of what I'm saying. I've noticed that with certain phrases, I've not had to repeat myself a number of times before he understands me anymore. Progress is great! Speech therapy and going to school are really helping! His sentences are a lot more accurate now days and he's just overall doing great. He does have a hard time with transitions at school, but he's doing ok other than that.

Thanks for your love and support!

Moving On

I've found myself in a weird place. My PPD is trying it's hardest to hold on to me while the rest of me is trying so hard to break away. There are days where I feel normal and amazing and love my children and love my life and all of that and then there's the opposite side of the coin. My dark days. I'm having them less and less often but they're becoming worse as they get further between. I become enraged at the slightest things, I don't want to do anything or have anything to do with these beautiful children of mine and I certainly don't want anything to do with Sabin who, on those days, I see as a grown man who can take care of himself and doesn't need me to hold his hand.

The reality is, I've been yelling far too much, especially on the dark days. Today was a dark day. I yelled at Marcus and he started crying saying I was scary. I don't want to be scary. I don't  want him to remember scary. Growing up, I don't remember a single time my mother yelled at me. I remember days she was irritated, disappointed, mad whatever, but I don't remember a single time she yelled at me. I remember so many moments of her smiling and laughing though. I want my kids to remember me that same way.

So here's my pact, written for the world to see to hold me to it; I will not yell, not even once, for a week (minimum). On September the 25th, I will be back here to write down my accomplishment or I'll either avoid it or delete this due to failure. Or you never know, I might admit I failed and then turn around and try it the next week. My point is, my children are growing before my eyes and Marcus is an elephant. He's 5 now so he'll have memories from this age when he's grown. If he has a single memory of me yelling, I want it to be so long ago in his past that he can't remember it well. I don't want it to be clear as day or not too long ago.

I'm going to kick this PPD in the butt, now, while my children still think I'm the best thing since sliced bread. I don't want to be scary.

Random thoughts and updates

I've decided to write a book.  I've had a few people over the last few months say some pretty harsh things about my boys and myself and I decided to write a book. I'm taking a month and writing about the random happenings of every day so people can see a small glimpse into our lives and maybe, just maybe, understand a bit of what we go through.

I'm also writing another book that has nothing to do with that sort of thing. I had a dream and just started mapping out this idea and have talked to a few people about it who think it sounds really cool. I doubt either book will get published, but you will always fail if you never try, right? Doesn't hurt to try. If nothing happens, I'll just have amazon publish it and mail some copies to a few select people, bahhahahaa! Not really, but that would be funny if I did.

We took a huge plunge and purchased 200 roaches from an online store for our 6 froggies. The difference in my frogs is actually really amazing already! I couldn't be happier! The roaches freak me out though and the day we got them in the mail, I was hyperventilating saying I couldn't do it. The roaches are a lot better for my frogs though and the two of them that I've been really worried about are turning around already! Boo to the nasty crickets!

Marcus is doing really well in class. He has a little girl friend that he hugs every day and they get so happy when they each other. She says hi to Gemma every time we come to class too. He's also always talking about a boy named Johnathon. I asked the teacher about it and she says they're friends and play together a lot. It makes me feel a lot better that he's making friends. I was worried that he wouldn't since he speaks differently than all the others.

Also, Marcus had a great birthday. I'd been feeling immensely guilty since Jamesen's first birthday was huge and extravagant and Marcus hadn't had a huge party before ever. His party this year wasn't as big as Jamesen's first, but it was bigger than any party he'd ever had and all the kids were having a blast so that's what counts. He loved it!

Jamesen started doing really bad in therapy. He went from going and being happy to be there and being able to leave me and do the therapy without me perfectly fine to screaming when we got into the parkinglot, clinging to me for the first 15 minutes and barely cooperating for the rest. He's getting better as we continue to go thank goodness. School starting really threw him for a loop, poor kid!

Today though, he insisted on bringing marcus' old backpack to school and wearing it in. He was sooo cute in it! He qualifies for the STEPS program because of his asperger's and we've got an appointment for his eval to find out where he is and what he needs and how many hours he qualifies for. I figure he'll probably qualify for about the same amount of time Marcus did when he was in the STEPS program, 6 hours a week. I don't really know how it's going to go down with his separation anxiety, but we'll see I guess. We're making him a calendar with the faces of his therapists and a picture of the school to velcro on the days he has to go somewhere so he hopefully doesn't have as hard of a time transitioning through everything.

Gemma's doing great. She's rolling around like a mad woman, chatting up a storm and is starting to sit. She's in that stage where she can hold herself up for about 30 seconds as long as her feet are placed right and she doesn't move around too much. She'll be sitting in no time! It's pretty exciting and sad at the same time since she's our last. She just turned 5 months on Sept 9. That FLEW. she's almost half a year already.

She's been grabbing at our food and drinks like crazy lately so we tried her on a bit of home made peas.  It didn't really go over well. Her facial expressions were hilarious. We put that idea on ice (literally, there's home made baby food in the freezer, har har) and will revisit it later.

Pictures for this month can be found HERE


Anyways, that's what's been going on! We're doing fab :)

Just a small moment

First let me say, please pardon any missing I's as my key has fallen off and I can't get it back on.

Anyways.

I went to Kmart today, to buy Christmas presents actually, lol. I went to escape the craziness that has become my house with 2 little boys who are energizer bunnies and a sweet little girl who insists she needs constant stimulation from mom only. Oh my sweet children, how I love them.  Anyways.... again..


I went to Kmart today, just me and Gem. As I walked from my car, through the parking lot, I noticed a woman and a boy in front of me. As we got closer to the store, I caught up with them a bit and I could tell something was off with the boy. As I walked through the store, I kept running into them, like I was inadvertently following them. I'm a people watcher. I love to just sit and watch people. When I get caught it's all very awkward, but... I dunno, there's something so serene about watching people go about their life.

Anyway, as I was walking behind this mother and her son a few times,  the love of that mother just permeated off of her, it was amazing actually. She loved her son so much, you could feel it just being next to her.

I got caught up in my shopping at this point and then suddenly I turned to find this little boy staring intently at Gemma with a slight smile on his face, his fingers twitching like Jamesen's do when he's excited. He never once looked at me, but he was positively giddy while looking at her. He asked me her age, asked to see her face (she was facing in and looking the other direction) and it was just so cute to spend this one little moment with this autistic boy, knowing that he was autistic (I dunno, I could just tell...) and having him interact with me. He asked me a few more questions and then said "She's very beautiful. Thank you for sharing her with me." and then went off and got excited about the toys surrounding him.

I turned after that to go check out because I was finished shopping and don't you know who should come up behind me in line? Of course it was them. I had wanted to ask his mother if he was autistic, but I didn't want to ask in front of him. I didn't want him to feel like it was that obvious that he was different. When they got in line behind me, he walked past to go look at something that had caught his eye and so I asked her if he was. She said yes and of course we sat there for a moment talking about our special little boys and how sweet and loving they are.

I felt very privileged to have that boy interact with me. If he's normally like Jamesen, he hates people and refuses to speak to strangers. I didn't start the conversation at all, it was all Gemma. Gemma's sweet little spirit that drew him in and let me have that one little moment in time with such a special little boy.

I've been sad and worried about my children lately. Sad of everything they'll have to do to get passed what's set in front of them. Having this little moment lifted my spirits and reminded me what beautiful children I have. What amazing children I have. And even if they never fully overcome their setbacks, they're still perfect. It won't be the end of the world. I cherish them so much. It's hard, but I'm so blessed to have them. They're so precious to me.

Anyway, I just wanted to share that little moment with you. No matter what setbacks you're facing, no matter what you're going through and how hard it is, life is beautiful. Just remember to stop and smell the roses. Count your blessings. Take a picture with your family, just how they are right now because they won't be like that for long. Life is so beautiful. Don't lose it. Cherish everything in it. It may be hard now, but tomorrow is another day. The sun will continue to shine and life will go on.

Another eye appointment and an awesome vacation!

We had Gemma's eye appointment with the pediatric ophthalmologist today.  It was a LONG day! We had to leave early because it takes 2 hours to get there and the appointment was at 850 in the morning. We get there and check in and the receptionist told us that our referral for them wasn't in and without it we would be charged $300. This was really annoying because I didn't even make the appointment! It was made for me and I got 3 days notice. While we were in North Carolina (more on that further down), our phones weren't working properly (we didn't have very good reception) and there was a packet I was supposed to pick up and bring with me but didn't get the message.

Anyways, we finally got all fixed after what felt like a million back and forth phone calls and about an hour. Poor boys. They were woken up early, forced to sit in their carseats for 2 hours and then cooped up in a waiting room for another before we finally got back. They were being CRAZY! We ended up being there for almost 5 hours. Oi! Add on the 2 hours drive home... those boys were nuts by the end! I must remember to not forget to change out the batteries in the leapsters again!

Sorry, tangent. Her eyes are doing well. They dilate well and the pupils are the same size, but she's favoring her right eye (the non ptosis eye) so her left eye is starting to drift slightly a bit. The pressure of her eyelid on her eye is also causing the shape to change which is an astigmatism. We also went over the surgery stuff. when they do the surgery, they hook the top of the lid to the eyebrow since the muscle is under developed and can't lift her lid on it's own. At this age, they would insert a metal rod which the body tends to reject and it would typically need to be redone a few more times before she as three. If we can wait until three the procedure is different...they can take a certain tissue (can't remember what the doc specifically said) from her thigh and insert that instead which usually isn't rejected, lasts longer and usually doesn't need to be redone. What they said is if they can keep her vision good, then we'll wait until three. We'll be going back every 3 months to check on the astigmatism to see if it's getting worse. 


For now, we're putting a patch on her right eye half an hour each day to force her to use her left eye and try to catch it back up and keep it from drifting. We'll go back in October to see how things are going. If the patching isn't helping, it will be bumped up to an entire hour a day and she'll possibly need glasses.

That's all for now... now on to the good stuff!!

We went on a week vacation to North carolina  to visit a dear friend of mine and Sabe's brother's family.  We left early in the morning on Thursday with a 6.5 hour drive ahead of us. We were expecting Gemma to not do well in the car and need a lot of stops, but were pleasantly surprised when she actually did really well. We got to my friend Candace's house 3 hours earlier than we were expecting! The boys absolutely loved  Candace and her family. We went to the pool and got the North Carolina zoo under our belts while we were with them. We had so much fun! 


We then left early Sunday with a 4.5 hour drive ahead of us to make it to Sabe's brother's house. They have a new baby that is only 2 weeks older than Gemma. It was fun having two babies in the house. It actually really worked out since Dorothy and I were both in sync with the baby stuff. Everybody understood when it was time for them to eat and everybody was on beat with it. It was great! 


The boys absolutely loved playing with their cousin Kahlan. She was so cute with the boys. I was worried she wouldn't want to play with them since they were so much younger, but she had a lot of fun with them as well! It was great to see cousins getting a long so well and to have my boys loved by family members since they've not gotten the same love from some of my siblings. The boys are still asking to go see them and keep begging to see the pics of our trip. 


We went to the beach while we were with them. Oh man did the boys love it. I wish we lived by the beach so we could go more often. The joy on their face was amazing and the speech coming from both of them about it has been even more so. 


It ended all too quickly and Thursday was upon us once again. We left early with a 10 hour drive ahead of us. Our trip home took us right through Columbia, South Carolina where there is a zoo and we just couldn't resist getting another zoo under our belts. Our plan was to drive the 5 hours to the zoo, spend a few hours at the zoo and then drive the other 5 hours home. The drive to the zoo went smoothly and while the zoo was little (and hot) it had some great animals and we had a lot of fun! We got there 2 hours ahead of schedule and ended up getting finished with the zoo earlier than expected because it was small. Gemma and Jamesen fell asleep so we hit the road and made a mad dash towards home, trying to get as far as we could before she woke up. 

We made it about 2.5 hours in before we had to stop for dinner.  We got back in the car and it was all down hill from there. "Instamad" from Gemma occurred. Her screaming upset Jamesen and so he was crying too. It was pretty crazy! And then the rain started. I had to slow way down because there wasn't much visibility. It was such a relief when we made it back home, let me tell you! Gary greeted us with tons of loves. She was so happy we were back! 


If you want to see pics from our trip, here's the album on facebook.

 

We had lots of fun! We've also found that our front yard is FULL of tiny itty bitty baby frogs! The boys love hunting them out!

 

Anyways, that's all for now. 

Eye appointments and evals

So we had Gemma's eye appointment this morning. It is in fact ptosis. Ptosis is a blanket term for anything that's not otherwise named that makes the eyelid droop. He said that her eye was swelling from excess "stuff" inbetween the two pieces of skin that make the eyelid (the one on the outside and the one that touches our eye). She's got too much stuff in there so it swells and when she gets upset or hot, it swells more because that "stuff" gets bigger. She'll need some corrective surgery, though it's supposed to be a small incision surgery that's pretty quick and easy.

Because she's so little, he's sending us to the children's hospital up in Atlanta. He wants us to wait a few months before we do the surgery because it's not "necessary" and  he doesn't like to put small babies under when it's not life threatening stuff. So I'm just waiting to hear back from them and we'll go from there.

We were supposed to have Jamesen's evaluation for occupational therapy today but... let's just say... it didn't go well. The lady we saw today works at  a place that helps a lot of different special needs and I'm actually quite surprised she didn't know how to approach  someone with Autism. Jamesen was really excited to go into the room. He jumped on the swing and she did 2 things that ruined everything. She picked him up off the swing and said "Hang on, let's do this really quick." not only that, she kept trying to talk to him and he just kept freaking out and it was all a lost cause. There was absolutely nothing I could do to stop it.

We've made a plan to approach it differently on Monday. Hopefully it works!! I hope he gets use to her quickly because she's supposed to be the one helping him with the therapy. I'm sure he'll get use to her eventually but for now he's not too thrilled with a new person.

I've been talking to a few teens with CAPD. I found their blogs and have emailed back and forth with two of them. They described hearing with APD as going to France and speaking to someone who's native language is French, but knows some English so they're trying to listen to broken English with a French accent. To understand, they have to pay a lot of attention to listening. At Marcus' age, that's like.. impossible, haha! It's really nice to hear from some kids that actually have this disorder to help me figure out ways that I can help him. I'm greatly encouraged by them! They're both amazing kids.

Also can I get a few prayers for me? I feel a bit foolish asking for it but I've been having a lot of spine pain recently. It started when I got pregnant with Gemma and has gotten pretty bad since having her. I found a lump on my spine at the base of my neck. I'm going to see a chiropractor tomorrow. Hopefully it's just my back being out and he can fix it with a snap (pun intended) but I'm sure he'll clue me in if something else is wrong. I've got so much on my plate with the kids, I really can't have something be wrong with me. Please give me some prayers that it's something easily fixed and not something that will make it hard to take care of my kids :(

Anyways, thanks for reading!

Central Auditory Processing Disorder (CAPD)

I'm finding myself crushed. I've thought Marcus has this for a few weeks now, but I'm more convinced than ever. I took a video of Marcus answering questions I was asking him and he had no idea what I was saying. It crushed me. I've been digging through CAPD stuff  and I found this:

Ladle Rat Rotten Hut: Little Red Riding Hood

This basically simulates how a person with CAPD hears.  I listened to the entire story 4 times. The first time, I just bawled. How can he live like this?? By the 4th time, I was understanding most of the story, as my brain got use to hearing it, knowing what the story is supposed to say. No freaking wonder he "doesn't listen" when I ask him to do something. Unless I physically show him what I mean, he has no idea what I'm saying!!

I'm so heartbroken right now but I'm even more determined to get him in to see an audiologist. I will fight tooth and nail if I have to. Please send some good thoughts and prayers our way that I can find a way to help Marcus.

Wednesday

Wednesday (the 9th) was a rough day.


We've been waiting on Jamesen's results of his autism test for over a month and Wednesday was the day we finally got them. He was confirmed to have Asperger's Syndrome. If you're interested, here's a low down of what Asperger's basically is: HERE

I knew he had it and had accepted it, so it wasn't too bad hearing it, but it still was kind of like a kick in the gut to have her confirm what I already knew. She did say, though, that with therapy, she would bet any amount of money that he would be able to kick the diagnosis by his teenage years and he would end up just being "shy". We're very hopeful and thankful for that!

The thing that made Wednesday really rough though, was Gemma. We've all been fighting off a nasty bug that's been going around. It really knocks you out and gives you an awful cough. The boys went through it and the cough only lasted a few days, but when Gemma got it, she started having a really hard time breathing, couldn't catch her breath, would have coughing fits that seemed to never end, etc. I called and the pedi managed to get me appointment that day. I left J's appointment, went and picked M up a little early from school and high tailed it to the hospital

The pedi came in and listened to her breathing and then said, "Hold on, I want Dr so and so to take a listen really quick". When she came back, she had 3 other Dr's with her, not one. One by one they listened to my baby girl with scowls on their faces. That was terrifying! They then told me they were going to run some tests on her, that she needed a breathing treatment and and xray and that I was going to be there for awhile.

Luckily, my amazing friend Amber was able to pick the boys up from me at the hospital and watch them because I have no idea how I would have kept them entertained and watched while I was doing all of that! Anyways, we gave her a breathing treatment, they took a listen with more scowls and then sent me off for the xray. When I got back, they told me that the tests for the flu and rsv came back negative and her xray was clear but that she needed another breathing treatment.

After the second breathing treatment, they listened with more scowls, told me they thought it might be whooping cough and would like to treat it as such because it can get bad fast in infants. The test hasn't come back to confirm, but sitting here on Friday I'm pretty sure it's not whooping cough. They told me that the two breathing treatments basically did nothing and  they were thinking of admitting her. They gave me a choice whether I wanted to or not because her oxygen levels had been 100% for most of the time she was being monitored. I chose to take her home after they assured me that they felt comfortable with me taking her, but gave me strict orders to bring her back immediately if anything changed and sent me home with a small buffet of meds.

She did pretty good through the night and we went for our follow up appointment on Thursday. They said she sounded and looked better, but that she was slightly dehydrated and were thinking of admitting her for that. They sent her home with me again after I promised I would push the nursing as much as I could.

Today, Friday, she's doing a lot better. She nursed almost all day yesterday so she was making up for lost calories and she's breathing a ton better. It was a really scary couple days, but we made it through! Now if only *I* could kick this thing because it seriously knocks you out!

Little boys and little sisters

Marcus and Jamesen adore Gemma.

 Marcus begs me to hold her constantly.

 She gets smothered if I don't watch those two boys like a hawk!

 She sure is loved by everyone around.

 The boys coming running in the morning when they wake up, ready to snuggle her.

 I was so afraid I was going to get PPD, but their attitudes towards her and their excitement that she has here is helping me make it through.

 She's such a blessing to us.

  We're so thankful to have her.

 My sweet G girl.

Introducing Miss Gemma Nichole!

She arrived fashionably late, but quicker than quick! It was extremely intense and crazy! If you want to read about it, you can do so here.

So far she's doing great. We got home today after a little more than 24 hours in the hospital. She's a bit jaundiced, but we expected it so we're just keeping an eye on her. She'll have her levels tested again tomorrow afternoon to make sure things are going down. She's nursing fantastically though, so I'm not too worried about it.

The boys just adore her. I'm excited that Jamesen is taking so well to her. He's not jealous at all, but wants to climb into my lap too and just stroke her face. It's so adorable! Marcus is constantly asking to hold her and wants to help change her diapers and such. They're being so cute with her and I feel so blessed at their reactions as it's a total 180 compared to Marcus' reaction when I brought Jamesen home.

Anyways, we're just hanging out and enjoying daddy's paternity leave at the moment. Missing Grandma terribly as she had to go home today (sad face). If you want to see more pics of Gemma, the link to my facebook album is here

Thanks for visiting! :)

Days away...

We're sitting just days away from my due date. I can't help but wonder what Gemma's going to be like. Is she going to be a typical child or are we going to have some developmental problems with her as well? If she IS a typical child, will I be able to handle it?

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Jamesen has been passing Marcus up on some of things that Marcus can't do. When Marcus was two, he couldn't go and get his shoes when asked or grab a diaper/the wipes etc. Jamesen has been doing it lately and it's really putting into perspective how far behind Marcus is. Even now if I ask Marcus to get something, he has a hard time getting it. I have to point him to exactly where it is, he can't look for it himself. Jamesen has no problem hunting an item out on his own. It's really hard to watch Jamesen do these things that Marcus can't do and not get upset. Don't get me wrong, I'm so proud of Jamesen, but he really puts Marcus and his delays into perspective. It's hard to see your child be so far behind their peers of he same age.

I'm wondering if Gemma will be completely typical. I've got a friend who's got a little girl about 9 months younger than Jamesen that's completely typical. We spend a lot of time over there and sometimes it's really hard to see her just be herself because she just turned two and Marcus barely speaks better than she does. We don't spend all day every day with her though and for the most part, I can forget how far ahead of where Marcus was at that age she is. If Gemma is completely typical, I'll have that all day every day as a reminder. Not that I want her to NOT be typical, though. I'd rather her not have to struggle the way her brothers will have to to catch up. *sigh*

I really don't know why I'm worrying about this right now. I guess I'm just having a hard time since my hormones are so high and I'm so close to my due date. Maybe I'll feel better after she's here and I fall in love with her sweet face because as of now, she's just an idea to me, not a reality. Not until I see her and hold her will I really know life with her.

On top of all of that, the fact that I'm worrying about these things scares me. I had similar thoughts before I had Jamesen and I ended up having PPD really bad. I don't want to get that again. It was bad. At least I know what to look for now since I've already been through it and at least my boys have each other. I find some comfort in that. If I end up having PPD like I did before, at least they'll have each other to keep company and all that since I won't be very good with the whole social aspect during that time.

Anyways, if you got this far, thanks for reading. I just needed somewhere to write my feelings down.

Hooray!

Sabe's en route! :)

Marcus has been asking for him multiple times a day the last 3-4 days. Funny how their frequency in asking for him always increases right before he comes home. It's gonna be awhile before he gets here though. It's a long process apparently, lol!

Marcus is doing so great in school. He loves it and asks to go every day. He's going to be so excited when September hits and he can go to real preschool. He missed the cut off date by 2 days but it's working in his advantage really. I was thinking of holding him back an extra year from his delay anyways. His articulation is getting better and he's been saying spontaneous sentences, but progress has been slow. Any progress is a good thing though. Gotta remember that!

Jamesen is doing really good. His autism test is tomorrow. I don't know if I'll walk away with any information or not. We'll see how it goes. He's doing really great though. He's such a sweetie. He's a tank though. He's getting to the point where he can beat the crap out of Marcus. Marcus will start picking on him and Jamesen definitely knows how to take care of himself! It's quite funny to watch. Marcus gets surprised every single time. You'd think he'd learn to leave Jamesen alone, LOL!

They've started having conversations between each other and it's soooo cute! Nothing amazing, but they will take turns saying stuff to each other. it's usually the same "conversation" over and over, but it's a start and I'll take it! I'm loving all the talking that's going on in my house!

My due date is in a week from tomorrow! I'm hoping that Gemma will wait until my mom comes to watch the boys and be a day late. It would be so convenient and perfect. We'll see.

Anyways, I'll update more when I know more tomorrow. We're going to be having a crazy couple of weeks coming up!

IEP meeting for Marcus

We went to Marcus' IEP meeting on Thursday. Overall, it went as expected. He's extremely behind in speech. This test was the "Verbal" score where he tested in the 12th percent and at a 2 year 10 month level. I was actually expecting it to be pretty low, but that was a little bit of a blow. I can't really say I'm surprised though... He's really got no concept of back and forth conversation and being able to communicate in real sentences.

However, he scored very high in his fine motor skills. One test they gave him consisted of stringing beads, cutting along lines and copying pictures. In that test he scored at an almost 6 year level. This was the "Spacial Cluster" score and he actually scored in the 95th for that one.

He did petty good on everything except communication. I'm actually pretty proud of him! We've started him in the STEPS program at the preschool he was tested at. We go for 2 days a week, 3 hours each day. I'm actually really excited that he only qualified for 6 hours a week! They're working on his communication rather than speech specifically. He's got speech therapy already, so I think this will be a perfect fit!

We went for our first day of school on Friday and he was so excited! I told him on Thursday night that if he wanted to go to school, he had to go to bed, so he rushed to his room, put on his pjs and climbed into bed as fast as he could. The next morning I had to wake him up to get there on time. All I said was "Marcus, do you want to go to school??" and he excitedly said "OK!" and got up to get ready. He was so excited! He had absolutely no problem with leaving me at all!

Jamesen was pretty upset when we left Marcus though, especially when we got back into the car, and even more so when we pulled into the driveway. It took awhile to calm him down at one point he was actually running away from me and screaming :( broke my heart. He calmed down after a bit though and we had an ok 3 hours alone. When it was time to go pick Marcus up, I asked if he wanted to go get him and Jamesen lit up and was so excited! I love seeing that brotherly love!

When we got to the school, they brought Marcus to me and he turned and ran away from me, screaming no. Totally broke my heart. I'm so glad he enjoyed it though! We had a pretty rough day afterwards, but I think it was mostly just due to the changes and things. Friday was pretty rough too. Marcus has been having a hard time, from what I assume is Sabe being gone on top of all the new stuff we have him doing. Sabe's only got another week or so left before he comes back. I hope our world settles in ok with Gemma coming right after that! It's gonna be pretty crazy around here!

Anyways, we've got J's autism test on the 28th. I'll update again then

Tongue Tied no more!!

We had a crazy morning, let me tell you!

We went in really early to an appointment for Marcus. The ENTs were supposed to evaluate his tongue tie and let me know if they would snip it or not. The guy walked in, looked at his tongue and goes, "Now THAT is a tongue tie! Really textbook." After talking back and forth for a few more minutes, he goes, "We can snip it now if you want!"

I really don't do well with things like that. I can barely even be in the room when shots are given to the boys. It goes against all my motherly instincts to hold my child down while someone inflicts pain or causes them to scream. I usually make Sabe do things like this, but he's in Cali right now and wouldn't have been available anyway.

The ENT must have seen the look of panic on my face when he said we could snip it right then and there because he offered to do it at another time. I figured another time would just give me more time to stress over it, so we should just do it now.

Marcus must have known something was up because he refused to let the ENT spray the initial numbing spray on his tongue. I let him do it to me to show Marcus it was ok and man that stuff was nasty! Marcus wasn't very happy. He was even more unhappy when the Dr brought the needle with the heavy duty numbing stuff. I can't even tell you how hard it was for me to have Marcus sit in my lap while I hold his hands down, a nurse hold his head still from behind me and the Dr forcing his mouth open and tongue up so they stick the needle in. He cried so hard. At one point I just felt like I couldn't do this and went to leave the room but he clung to me and wailed and I just knew I couldn't leave my kid while two strangers held him down. I had to be there for him.

We then had to hold him again while they snipped his tongue tie. He fought us so hard. I did more bawling and he kept biting the Dr. He's one strong kid! After what seemed like 5 whole minutes (it was probably more like a single minute...) it was finally done and he just clung to me and cried. I felt like the worst mother ever for putting him through that. I cried all the way to the car and all the way home too.

Despite how awful the procedure went, he's doing really awesome. He's suddenly able to say his Rs and Ls! His articulation is a lot more clear, just hours after the procedure. He's eating and drinking fine too. He's bitten his tongue a few times because he's not use to it being able to move around like it does, but he's doing really great. I feel really guilty that we didn't get it snipped before. Hopefully I'll have more stories of how great Marcus is doing in the next few weeks.


We did have the initial eval of Jamesen for autism a few days ago. There was a significant amount of autistic tendencies that she wanted to test him for it and so we'll be going back on the 28th for the test. He's actually doing really well. I'm not sure what to think on that front anymore. He's acting a lot more like a typical kid most days, though he does still have bad days. He's not having monumental meltdowns as often as he did before. Testing him won't hurt, so I'm going to go through with it and just cross my fingers for the best news, while being prepared for the worst.

In Gemma news, I'm 36 weeks! Won't be long now! I hope she waits until at least her due date though, so my mom can be here to watch my hooligans. She's under lock and key until the 4th of April!

Yeah so we're just hanging out, waiting for March to hurry and pass so daddy will be back home. He went into "the box" today, so we'll have no contact with him for the next 2 weeks. Hopefully it all goes quickly! The boys sure do miss him and ask for him every day. I hate when he has to leave! It's been really hard this time around, on Marcus especially. I think it's mostly that Sabe only just recently came back from that two week course he was at, only to leave again, not to mention he's got to know a huge change is coming. Kids know these things.

I've been carrying a baby doll around for the last 2 days like I did right before I had Jamesen and both boys are being so sweet to it. Really makes me happy since Marcus was violent towards the "little brother" one. They're both older than Marcus was when I had Jamesen though, so hopefully that helps in the transition. Marcus likes to kiss my belly, which is totally adorable, whether he realizes what's really going on or not!

Anyways, that's it for now. Until next time!

What's new?

I'm happy to say that the 2 weeks that Sabe was gone went by pretty fast for us. For the most part, it went ok. The boys did pretty well. Other than a ton of drama that we had at church, things went pretty smooth. We had a bit of a meltdown on like day 2 when the boys realized daddy wasn't coming back, but that was it for the most part. We're so glad to have him back, even if it's just for a week. Hopefully Gemma decided she's nice and comfy too because Sabe won't be able to come home early if she comes while he's gone.

Speaking of Gemma, we're doing really well on that front and have picked up everything that we need or had people tell us they would get it for us (thank you!!). I've not really tried to get her room together though, because we're planning on moving right after she gets here, so we'll just leave it all a mess until we move, lol! We have SO many clothes!! We've been given a ton (thank you!!) and have picked up some we couldn't resist as well. Girl clothes shopping is sooo different than boys. There's so much to choose from and everything is so cute. It's a bit overwhelming at first actually!

Marcus is doing great. His speech therapy is really helping and he's starting to say the "L" sound a bit. We're waiting to hear back from the specialist about an appointment for his tongue tie, but we should hear from them soon. Hopefully that will help a lot in his sounds. He's doing really great with it so far though, and is enunciating a lot better. He still doesn't speak in complete sentences, but we're forcing him to ask for things properly before he gets them and it's been helping. He's still picking things up really fast and I can't be more proud than I am! He's such a little trooper! We've put him into soccer and while he's having a bit of a hard time since he doesn't really understand what he's doing, he's not the only kid having a hard time and that makes me feel better. He's really good at dribbling! I think once he gets the concept of what's going on and really gets into it that he's going to do really well.

We've got a few appointments for Jamesen as well for him to be tested for Autism. The closest one is on the 6th. I'll have more on that after I know what's going on. I'm pretty sure he's on the spectrum, I just don't know how severe he is. He really is such a sweet kid though. His speech is coming on really well (compared to Marcus at that age anyways) and we're so proud of him too. He keeps showing me that he's got a talent for music and I can't wait for him to turn 3 so I can put him into piano lessons. I really don't know how well he'll do since he's kind of stubborn when it comes to people showing him how to do things, but we'll try it out and see how it goes.

All in all we're doing really well! No real complaints other than the ones that come with pregnancy and daddy being gone. Nothing too terrible and nothing we've not dealt with before. We can't wait to move on post though! We figure that will be around the beginning of May, just before deploys. It'll be nice to be on post near our friends while he's gone!

Anyways, that's our little update! Until next time.

Momma Drama

I was thinking about how the drama in my life has changed since becoming a mom. It was actually quite funny to me. During highschool and college it was boys (did I still like the guy I was dating? What was he doing wrong that I didn't like? How do I get him to break up with me so I don't have to do it?), tests (did I study enough? I studied right? I should do ok... right? Crap I sucked) and work (coworker drama spilling over to me, not getting enough hours to pay my bills or getting too many hours to study properly)

Those woes are long behind me. They've changed to things like, Jamesen's thumb has been "bruised" for about a month now.. is that really a bruise?? We just signed Marcus up for soccer... where am I supposed to find cleats that aren't too expensive that fit a 4 year old with huge feet?? and the one plaguing me the most lately... How in the world am I going to get 3 carseats in the back of my Maxima?! More than that... how am I going to pay for the new carseats I need to get so that they fit in the back of my Maxima?!

Sabe and I switched vehicles a bit ago because he was driving way more than me. His truck is a guzzler, so I would keep it despite the like one or two days I drove somewhere during the week. Now that Marcus is in speech therapy, we've decided that the carseats will be in the car from Friday-Monday and the truck from Tuesday-Thursday. I'd have the car for the days that Marcus has speech since the place we have to go to is kind of far away and I would just try to do all my errands on those days as well. It's been working great... as long as Gemma stays growing. Once she's out, I'll need to fit a third seat back there and with our current carseats there is NO way that is possible.

Luckily, I've got some carseat guru friends who pointed me to a group that has some serious carseat nazis who have helped me figure out which carseats I can get to fit back there. It's just figuring out how we're going to pay for them. The skinniest carseats on the market are $300 or close to it and I just can't afford to buy 3 of those. I'm hoping to get away with only buying one and buying another one that's thin. We'll be doing all of this when we get our tax return in the next few weeks. Wish me luck finding good deals on the seats I need!


Other than that, we're all kind of bummed. Sabe's leaving in an hour or two for a course he's gotta take. It'll be two weeks. He then comes home for a week and then leaves for 4, comes home just before my due date, is home for a few months and then deploys. I just wish I could blink and have it be April. Sorry if I'm a bit mopey. I've still not gotten the hang of being super cheerful while Sabe's gone. Marcus really misses him and it breaks my heart.

Anyways, gotta run, just wanted to update really quick. We've got some appointment for the boys on the 7th, so hopefully I'll know more about the tongue tie and possible autism then.

More Evaluations

We'll start off with Jamesen as there's not much to say...

He had an eval a few days ago. We had a few women come in and ask me a bunch of questions and see if they could get Jamesen to do certain things to show if he was developmentally on track and what not. They stayed for about an hour and then left. They told me NOTHING! I was really frustrated. They didn't tell me if there was any cause for concern or what not. They only thing they told me is that he qualifies for inhouse therapy at no cost to us which makes me concerned... I should be hearing back from them with the results of his eval in the next few weeks. I'm anxious to hear back from them. I'll update on him when I know more.

Now on to Marcus... We got a referral through Tricare to get him into speech. We had his first eval for that referral today. When we were doing the dr. appointment to get the eval, she showed some concern over his tongue tie. I had my doubts that his tongue tie really had anything to do with his speech at all since he showed so many signs for dyslexia, but not anymore... They did a test on him to see how well he was able to move his tongue. They held a sucker in certain places in his mouth while also holding his chin to keep his jaw from assisting and he wasn't able to move his tongue at all. It was really disheartening to see actually, but makes me excited at the same time because if it IS the tongue tie, it's a super easy fix. We'd get his tongue snipped and then put him into speech therapy and it would be so much easier than him having to deal with dyslexia! I'm hopeful that this is what's wrong. Now I just need to find someone who will snip his tongue...

Anyways, we're doing great here. Things are moving forward... We put in our application for on post housing and should be hearing back from them in a few months. There's a 3 month wait. Sabe should have his deployment orders by then, so we'll be able to break our lease with the worst realty company in the universe and move on post instead. I'm actually really really excited to move on post. Every time I go to my friend Amber's house, there are people walking all around the neighborhoods. We've never had a community like that, so I'm excited at the potential of friends for the boys and being closer to everybody we know as well.

We're putting Marcus into soccer. The entire season is going to be while Sabe is gone for some training. Kinda bummed about that, but sooo excited to have him in a sport! I think it will be really great for him! I can't wait to go to his games, even if I'm huge and pregnant and have to run after Jamesen at the same time. It'll be so fun :)

Speaking of huge and pregnant, I'm 30 weeks! Crazy how fast that flew. She'll be here before I know it. I've been organizing her clothes and I can't wait to see her in them!

Anyways, that's it for now.

Marcus' Big Eval

It's been a long time in coming and I've been super stressed about it, but I'm very encouraged after going!

He's extremely smart. He may not be able to talk very well, but he sure is one smart little boy. They were very impressed with his ability to write his name (though he randomly wrote it backwards for the first time ever, lol) and knowing the names of a bunch of colors and shapes that are above his grade level (like grey, peach, hexagon and octagon).

He's very behind in speech, though that was pretty obvious. They were impressed by his improvements just the 2 months since they saw him last which makes me very happy!

They tested him for autism because he's has a hard time in a school like setting. I'm so happy to report that he doesn't have autism! He use to do a lot of things that were signs of it but he doesn't do them anymore now that he can talk better so they think his issues are all just because of his language barrier rather than him having autism or something like it.

They told me about some classes that I think will really benefit him. He'd start them with the new school year. He'll be in a normal size class with about 5 kids that are in the STEPs program (like him). They'll have a regular teacher and her aide as well as a STEPs teacher and her aide. With 4 teachers in there, there's a lot less of a chance for him to get left behind or not be able to do something because he doesn't understand what he's supposed to be doing. I'm very encouraged by this! It's EXACTLY what he needs! I was thinking of homeschooling him for awhile there just because I was so afraid that with only one teacher, nobody would notice that he wasn't following along, but this class makes me feel so much better. He'll get a lot more out of interacting with a class of kids and learning from someone else than learning from me and only seeing kids a few times a week with homeschooling programs.

All in all it was a great eval! I already knew he was very behind in speech so that was nothing new and it was very encouraging to have them tell me he's ahead in almost everything else and the things he's not ahead in, he's right where he needs to be. My special little man!

Now on to Jamesen...

I've been thinking he might have autism for a little bit now. It's been really hard to admit that, but I have to admit that there is also something going on with him. I called a local program here called Babies Can't Wait and they evaluated him yesterday to see if he qualified. He's behind in speech as well so he qualifies for that. I'm waiting on some more extensive testing for him and I'm going to be getting him tested for Autism as well.

They gave me a questionnaire with Marcus to test him for Autism and while most of the answers for Marcus were "no" or "he use to but doesn't anymore", a lot of the questions made me think yes for Jamesen. I'm a bit discouraged by that but at the same time encouraged by the fact that even 6 months to a year ago, some of those questions would have been yes for Marcus. Jamesen has pretty good eye contact and shows empathy so I'm hopeful that if he is Autistic, that it's high functioning, but it might just be like Marcus and the speech barrier is causing the issues rather than Autism.

When I brought up that Jamesen has a delay in speech as well, the 3 ladies evaluating Marcus said that if J's anything like M, they're both probably just very visual with learning rather than oral.

Overall I'm very encouraged about Marcus. I'm concerned about Jamesen but I have to wait before I have anymore answers on him.

After Holidays

Now that the holidays are over, we're struggling to get back into the groove of no daddy. The boys absolutely loved having him home for 10 days. Sabe went back to work yesterday and on his way out, apparently Marcus woke up and told him not to go. He then came into the bedroom with me and went on and on about how daddy is gone and "Don't worry mommy, daddy come back." It was really cute yet really sad at the same time. I'm so glad the boys love their dad, but it makes him leaving even harder. He's going to be doing some training in March, cutting it pretty close to my due date. It's gonna be hard being so pregnant with two little boys missing their dad. I'm going to be putting Marcus into soccer though so hopefully that provides a good enough distraction.

Marcus has been doing really well on his speech. I hope when we go for his evaluation that he's made some progress in the two months since he went last. His sentences are getting a lot clearer and he's starting to say sentences that we haven't coached him to say. Of course I can't really give any examples because my brain won't let me remember any off the top of my head, but that's ok, haha!

Jamesen is growing up so fast. He's lost all of his baby recently and just showing every single day how much of a little boy he is. He still has his tantrums (he is 2 after all), but we're just days away from his half birthday. He'll be 3 before I know it! He seriously has the longest legs and now that he's talking in small sentences, people really don't believe me that they're not twins, lol! He's still an overly fussy kid, but he's really a joy to be around and can be sooo loving at time. I'm hoping he does well with Gemma. He goes up to all babies that he sees and says "Baby!" and gives them a kiss so I can hope he'll do well with Gemma!

Speaking of Gemma, I'm 27 weeks today which means I've officially hit the third trimester! Getting close to her coming! Sabe and I both agreed that it's going to come before we know it since we passed Christmas! Hopefully March flies, since he'll be gone that entire month. I'm pretty sure she'll hang on until April though. I'm due on the 4th, but I wouldn't be surprised at all if she came on the 5th. I'm expecting her to come that day. We'll see if I'm right!

Nothing else really going on, just hanging out and enjoying the time with these two crazy boys I have before we add to the mix.